"only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required"

After reading this article, you may have to wait a few minutes to allow your own laughter to die down before reading my commentary. Sheryl Crow proposes a limit on the amount of toilet paper that we use at each “sitting”. Her idea is to only use one square. That’s right, sacrifice your own personal hygiene for the benefit of a tree. Yes, I know, I know. Unfortunately, I’ve already used up my daily allotment wiping the tears of laughter from my face. Guess I’ll have to either hold it till tomorrow or figure out another plan.

Sheryl Crow seems to have joined Sean Penn and Al Gore in the stratosphere of sanity. I wonder what she proposes we do about the foul stench that will inevitably rise from our backsides while we’re practicing this sound environmental policy? Talk about air pollution! I for one would have to find a new set of friends, a new wife and probably a new dog. They love me and all, but not enough to deal with that kind of carbon footprint. But I digress.

Even though I highly doubt that she adheres to her own recommendation, I have to give her some credit for not being a total hypocrite. She is touring in a biofuel-powered bus. However, she could go a step further. Judging by media reports, she could use the ethanol that’s stocked in her dressing room every night to fuel that bus for another decade.

I’m all for protecting the environment, but not at the expense of my peers’ olfactory sense. Sorry, Sheryl, but one square just won’t hack it. But I’m a reasonable guy and I’m willing to compromise. How about today I use the CD insert from your latest album? Then, I’ll start with Bill Clinton’s autobiography. And I thought that book would never contribute anything to society! Gives new meaning to the term ‘bathroom reading’. Guess I won’t have to hold it after all!