The pain is real

Forgive me for getting personal...but this is something I feel the need to share.

When my wife first told me she was having pelvic pain, it wasn't much of a concern. Ovarian cysts in pregnancy can occur, and the pain she described was very characteristic of such a condition. Little did I know that twenty four hours later we'd be in the emergency room learning that she had just had a miscarriage, and a few minutes later that she had been pregnant with twins.

Even though she was only five weeks pregnant...even though I know things like "God has a plan"...even though I am otherwise very blessed, the pain is still very real. I am not writing this as a way to seek sympathy. No, to me it's more therapeutic than anything.

Yes, I know that things will work out. I know that we'll be fine and time will heal the hurt as it always does, but the pain is still very real. Things like this will make you slow down for a moment and count your blessings. I've done that. Things like this will make you realize what's truly important in life. I've done that. Things like this will always bring up the thought, "it could have been worse", and it ALWAYS can be worse. I've thought that. It's easier if you keep yourself busy, whether on the computer or at work. It helps to keep your mind off of it. I've done that. But the pain is still there and will still need time to heal. The pain is still very real.

Then (and I am by NO means politicizing what's happened to us so don't send any negative comments, this is my blog) you start to think about people who fight so hard for the right to have an abortion, and you can't help but wonder why. I think maybe it's because they don't understand. I mean, before I had kids I too was pro-choice, but when we had our first that changed quick. It didn't take long to see that even though the child is not born, he or she is still alive. This experience has solidified that point of view. Some people may think an embryo is just a mass of lifeless tissue that isn't really alive, and I couldn't disagree more.

I've had moles and skin tags removed, and it didn't cause this kind of pain. If the unborn child is not alive, then why does it hurt so much to lose one? I may not be able to prove with one hundred percent certainty that life begins at conception, but I DO know that the pain is very real. There are many out there who have had miscarriages and even elective abortions who would agree. My heart goes out to you.

I know my little twins are with God and will one day return to us when the time is right. That comforts me more than anything else. I haven't met them yet, but I truly believe that one day I will.

Perhaps there is someone out there struggling with something similar. If this helps then I'm glad. There is a reason for all things and one day, like many other things I haven't understood, I'll learn the reason for this and be all the wiser for it. But, right now, the pain is still very real.

For my twins, I love you guys and I can't wait to see you both.