Cut it out...you bunch of spazzes

Although I’m not a big fan of Tiger Woods, I have to say this goes beyond ridiculous. For those who haven’t read the article, people are offended by Tiger’s use of the word "spaz" to describe his golf game. That’s right. Apparently "spaz" is now one of the many non-PC terms that are forbidden in common everyday discussion. It’s just too offensive to people who suffer from spastic disorders…not that the ones criticizing Woods are all sufferers of these conditions, and not that Woods actually had these people in mind specifically when he used the term, that’s not the point. The point is: Tiger used a non-mainstream term to describe his golf game in a way that "some people" may consider a little brash. So it’s simply not acceptable.

So at the request of an LA Times reporter, Tiger agreed to replace "spaz" with "wreck", as in "I played like a wreck". But wait a minute, doesn’t he run the risk of offending people who have been involved in horrible traffic accidents? Doesn’t this belittle their suffering?

OK, well how about "I played like a nightmare."
No, too many people suffer from night terrors.

OK, "My game was a disaster"
Nope, too many Katrina victims to offend.

OK, "I looked like a geek."
One word, Columbine.

"I played like crap."
What about people who don’t have full control of their bowels?

"I looked like a moron."
Too many Howard Dean fans would get upset.

"It was tough out there"
What about all those wimps who suffer from hypo-toughness?

"My swing was ugly."
Do you think Chelsea Clinton would appreciate that?

"It was murder on the greens."
Two words, O…J…

"My game was just plain bad."
Maybe, but then again, as someone who really is bad at golf…that offends me.

So the point is: the PC crowd has migrated beyond the outer levels of normalcy and is lingering somewhere between insanity and fantasy. Someone once called this the twilight zone. Perhaps we should rename it the PC Zone. After all, the term ‘light’ may offend blind people.

(By the way, this is satire, so please don’t attack me for saying something jokingly. And if you’re OK with satire and think it’s actually funny, well, congratulations, you’re human)